pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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