Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
