U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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