So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
