LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
