It's Friday. Sex?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
