i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
