The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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