So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
