do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
