u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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