my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
