well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
