She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
