I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
