i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
