the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
