Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
