Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
