What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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