I didn't shave. On purpose
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So vagazzling was a success
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
