Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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