The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Less talking, more tequila
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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