Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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