if i can run in heels then i can drive
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
