carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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