Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
