wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
3pm strippers are depressing
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
