Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
