Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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