I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
