is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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