I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
