Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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