If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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