You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
