Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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