garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
