all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
