that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
