i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
