why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
