he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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