direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
