Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
