Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
