I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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