If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
