my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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