Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
