I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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