pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
3 2 1 whiskey
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
