Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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