we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
