I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
