its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
